Looking Out For You Bad Day
by M. Louise E
Summary: Matt Casey is having a bad day. Kelly is looking out for him. Part One is Matt's Bad Day. Part Two is Kelly's bad day. Enjoy. I have to give warning. This touches on suicide but I mainly write about the character dealing with it. If it is a trigger please don't read. I didn't know the story was going that way. Just happened. This AU and has everyone. I do talk about some shows.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Chicago Fire; Looking Out For You; Chapter one Matt's Bad Day. **

**Summary: Matt Casey has a bad day. He is missing the late Hallie Thomas it almost has been a year since her death. Matt meets a couple who later he sees at a fire and one of them dies. He feels bad about it. He should have done more and it brings back memories of when he lost Hallie. Also other stuff happening. **

**Disclaimers: The show is property of Dick Wolfe, and NBC. I don't own anything. Just borrowing the characters to practice my writing. Only thing I own is Season 1 DVDs and they are getting well worn. LOL **

**A/N: This idea came to me and I just wanted to see where it would go. One Chapter is Matt's Bad Day and I was thinking of doing Kelly's bad day. How each are their for the other through their bad day. Should I keep going? Also this AU. Please tell me what you think of the story. Thank you. Also mistakes are mine. I don't have PTSD just looked it up so if it isn't right just let me know. Thanks. Also the Herrmann children I know three of the five names. Lee Henry, Luke, and Kenny James. If you know let me know. WARNING; This does touch on suicide. If it is a trigger please don't read. I mostly write about the person dealing with it., and the friends and family helping.**

Matt Casey, rolls over and slams his hand down on the alarm clock going off. He slowly sits up and yawns. His shift starts in two hours. His gaze wanders to the calendar hanging on his wall. He is trying not to think about the one year anniversary fast approaching in a few months of, Hallie Thomas's death. He is dealing with it but some days were better than others. It has been going quite well. He has things in prospective but some days he misses her a lot.

He gets up out of his nice warm bed and heads to the shower to get ready for his twenty-four hour shift at firehouse fifty-one as truck lieutenant. He gathers his clothes together and heads to the bathroom. He undresses and steps into the nice warm shower as the water cascades down around him. Waking him up. He lathers up and rinses off. He washes his hair and washes the shampoo out.

He turns the water off and steps out of the shower to dry off and dresses in his uniform. He takes time to shave and to brush his teeth. He cleans his bathroom a little since he won't be there for awhile. Matt makes his bed and packs his bag for his shift at the fire station. He likes things neat and clean. He also likes to be in control of certain things in his life. Ever since his childhood was beyond control.

Matt looks at the clock and it is still early but he leaves because he wants to stop at the cemetery to visit Hallie's grave. There is a chill in the air, as it rains. Matt is glad for his firefighters jacket he has on. He locks the door to his house and heads toward his truck as the rain slowly but surely falls.

He opens the truck door and places his bag in the passenger side seat and gets in and shuts the door. He buckles up and starts the truck and pulls out when he sees it is clear.

Moments later he in pulls into the cemetery that Hallie is buried at. Matt parks his truck and gets out. Memories swirl in his mind of Hallie. While she was alive she was beautiful. Average height for a woman but she was and exotic looking. Shoulder length dark hair and light mocha colored skin. Hallie was a life saving doctor but when she came back from her trip she worked for a medical clinic for low income people. Matt and she were starting to get close again but Hallie was murdered and left in a fire to hide evidence.

Today was one of those melancholy days. His heart hurts. Matt doesn't notice the tears running down his face, mixing with the rain coming down. He stays a few moments more but the rain isn't letting up so he gets back into his truck and starts it and drives to a near by coffee shop.

Matt parks his truck and heads into the coffee shop. He orders a coffee after waiting in line for a few moments. As he gets to the counter the young man behind the counter smiles at him and says, "What would you like today Sir? Don't worry about paying for it. The young lady over there paid for it. As a thank you for your service."

Matt turns to the young lady at the table and smiles his thank you. "Coffee please." Matt answers. Teddy who is behind the counter smiles and hands him a large coffee. He heads over to the young lady.

The young woman smiles at Matt whom is heading her way as she sits with her fiancé. "Good morning Sir. I saw you wearing a firefighters jacket and I just wanted to do something nice for you. I also wanted to cheer you up a bit. You seem so sad." the young woman stands up and gives Matt a hug. "Thank you. My name is Matt Casey. I work at firehouse fifty-one." Matt smiles and steps away as the young woman sits back down.

"My name is Jennifer Richardson. You can call me Jenny. This is my fiancé William Quinn." Jennifer smiles at Matt inviting him to sit down. "Thank you so much. It's my job to do what I do." Matt says sitting down at their table.

William smiles at Matt. "No trouble at all. Just thank you for all you do." William says. "When are you getting married?" Matt asked the young couple. "Next year in May." Jennifer smiles. "Yeah we've moved into a new house and now we're working to fix it up." William says. "If you need a contractor I do that as a side job. Just let me know." Matt hands William his card. "Thank you we may call you about that." William says. "You're so sweet to offer. Thank you." Jennifer says.

"I know how it is starting out. I just want to make it easier for you both." Matt says looking at his watch and noticing the time. "Thank you so much." Both Jennifer and William say. "I better get going. I'll see you around. Take care both of you." Matt says standing up and getting ready to leave. Both Jennifer and William stand up also getting ready to leave. William shakes Matt's hand and Jennifer gives Matt a kiss on his cheek. Matt blushes a little.

All three head outside into the pouring rain. Matt puts his coffee in his cup holder and gets in. He sees the young couple pull out and leave the parking lot. Matt starts his truck and heads out onto the road when it is clear to go.

Matt Casey heads onto a highway going slowly since it is raining. A gasoline tanker passes him going extremely fast. He just keeps his eyes on the tanker, staying back just a little in case he had to stop suddenly. Matt has a gut feeling that something is going to happen, praying nothing did.

The older man driving the tanker truck is going to fast for the weather conditions. The rain is coming down faster than before. His tanker truck Jack-knives and he loses control of his truck. He hits one car that is beside him and the young lady goes out of control and her SUV flips twice before coming to rest at the side of the road and the tanker truck slides into her SUV again as it comes to rest near her car.

Matt Casey saw the accident happen and he pulls over as soon as he could and as far away as he could. . Matt gets his cell phone and calls Nine-One-One. "Nine-One-One What is your emergency?" A woman's voice asks Matt. "This is Matt Casey. I'm Truck Lieutenant at station Fifty-One. I saw a gasoline tanker Jack-knife in front of me on the highway. Going to fast for conditions. He ran into another car and it flipped twice and the tanker slid into the car and came to rest near to the car. I don't smell gasoline yet but I don't know if it will leak or not. I'm not even on shift yet. I was heading to the station house when the accident happened in front of me. I'm going to need help." Matt Casey says, jumping out of his truck and going to check things out.

"I'm sending units your way. Be careful." the dispatcher says. Matt places his cell phone on the dash, shuts the truck door, and runs over to the cab of the truck and climbs up after his feet slide a bit from the rain making it slippery. Finally he makes it up and checks on the guy in the cab of the truck.

The older man seems to be unconscious and is hanging from his seatbelt. Matt knocks on the window and the guy stirs. "What?" The man mutters waking up just a little. "SIR ARE YOU OKAY?" Matt yells through the window.

The man test's out his arms and legs. He seems fine. Both men start to notice the odor of gasoline. Both determine that it is time to get out of the area before anything explodes. Matt tries the driver's door but it seems jammed. "WATCH YOUR EYES SIR!" Matt yells punching the glass out of the cab of the tracker trailer. The man shields his eyes and turns his head away, as glittering glass rains down around him.

Matt, grabs the Man's left hand as he unbuckles his seatbelt so Matt could pull him out. The man is helped through the window and Matt helps him down carefully. Sirens can be heard in the distance as they race to the scene of the accident. "WAIT OVER THERE!" Matt yells pointing over to his own truck. The man does as he is told and waits.

Matt runs over to the flipped over SUV and checks on the young woman who is trapped. Matt lays down on the ground. The young lady is hanging by her seat belt upside down and the driver's door is jammed. Matt knocks on the window to get the young ladies attention.

"PLEASE HELP ME! " the woman yells seeing Matt at her window. The gas is spreading closer to the SUV. Matt stands up and goes to the passenger side door. He yanks on the door but it is locked. He runs over to his truck and goes to get his crowbar.

"MISS TURN YOUR HEAD, I'M GOING TO BREAK THE GLASS!" Matt yells through the window. She nods her head and turns as Matt shatters the glass in the passenger door. He wipes the extra glass out of the way so he can crawl into the car.

"My name's Matt. I'm a firefighter but I was just heading to work when the accident happened. What is your name?" He asks the young lady hanging upside down. "My name is Hannah. Please get my nephew out of the backseat. He is One year old. His name is Jefferson" Hanna told Matt.

The sky is getting darker as the rain gets heavier and thunder booms overhead and lightning flashes moments later. The sirens get louder as the fire trucks get closer and stop, along with the police cars. The Officers directing the traffic to one lane.

CF~~~~~~CF

Kelly Severide, hops out of the squad three truck when it has stopped. He sees Matt Casey in the SUV at the side of the road. He smells the gasoline in the air along with the rain. Before anybody could move closer to the scene lightning strikes the ground close to the tanker truck and the gasoline ignites into raging flames.

"CASEY! GET OUT OF THERE!" Kelly screams to his friend, his brother. Matt stands up just in time as the fire spreads toward the car, Jefferson in his arms as he turns to run and get the child to safety.

Screams can be heard coming from the car, as flames set the car on fire. Matt hands the child to Leslie Shay a paramedic and fellow colleague at station Fifty-One. Before anyone can stop him Matt runs back to save Hannah.

The car explodes into a large fireball, Knocking, Matt Casey back and onto the hard unforgiving ground. Everyone waits. A fire truck called to the scene that shoots chemical foam pulls up just in the nick of time. The firefighters on that truck jump out and start to spray the flames that are dancing in the rain.

Matt slowly sits up. He just has scrapes and bruises. He hangs his head, as he notices that the screams from the car have stopped. He looks up as he feels a hand on his shoulder. Kelly kneels down beside Matt. No words need to be said. The stricken look on Matt's face is enough to tell Kelly how Matt is.

The man that was in the tanker truck is checked out and taken to the hospital. Jefferson is also taken. Matt stands up and stumbles, feeling dizzy since the adrenaline rush is fading and he didn't get to have breakfast. Kelly grabs a hold of Matt to keep him study so he wouldn't fall. The scene is slowly but surely cleaned up. Hannah's remains taken by the coroner.

The fire trucks are packed up and everyone gets in. Kelly goes over to Chief Boden. "Yes Kelly?" the Chief asks of his Squad Lieutenant. "I'm going to drive Matt's truck back for him. I don't think he is in any shape to drive." Kelly looks at the Chief who is looking over at Matt. Chief Boden nods his head.

Kelly drops his gear off at his Squad Three truck and goes over to where Matt's truck is parked. He gets into the driver's side. Kelly tries not to notice Matt holding onto the side of his truck dry heaving since he threw up what little was in his stomach which was the early morning coffee.

Matt slowly stands up and rests his head in his folded arms. Giving his stomach time to settle down with the nausea he was feeling. He takes slow deep breaths. Finally he is ready and he gets into his truck. He is cold and shivering with the rain coming down. Matt lays his head back on the seat. Wishing he could go back home and hide from the world because it was one of those days. All bad. He is sure of it with the things that already happened before he even got to work.

Kelly buckles up as does Matt and he starts the truck. He glances at Matt who stays quiet. Matt closes his eyes, feinting sleep because he doesn't want to talk about anything. Kelly lets Matt go knowing he is pretending to be asleep.

Kelly puts the truck into gear and goes when it is clear and heads to the fire station. He turns on the radio to drown out the silence of the truck. The song; _I'll Stand By You _comes on. Matt gets his cell phone out and looks at it. He needs to get in touch with Hannah's family. He has a message he needs to share. He blinks back tears to keep them from falling and just looks out the truck window.

"If you need to talk I'm here." Kelly replies quickly looking at Matt. "Thanks. I'm fine." Matt says not admitting that he is having a bad day. A really bad day. Kelly parks Matt's truck where his friend usually does and gets out along with Matt. Matt grabs his bag and heads inside. He is soaking wet from the rain. He showers and changes into some dry clothes.

He heads to his locker and puts his bag inside. He than goes to his office and fills out his paperwork. He even fills out the paperwork on the latest accident even if he wasn't officially on duty when it happened. Matt pauses as he looks at his picture of Hallie that he pulls from his drawer. He places it on his desk. Kelly is in the hallway near Matt's office as he sees what his friend is doing.

He is missing Hallie today. Kelly can understand why Matt is feeling the way he is. The last shift they had was a tough one to handle. When a husband and father Mr. Brooker gathered his family into a pile in the bedroom and laid on top of them to save them but in doing so giving his life for his family. Mrs. Brooker the wife left behind filed a wrongful death suit against the CFD but she later dropped it. Poor Matt had to give testimony in what happened in that fire. Kelly who was seated next to his friend and brother, had to finish what had happened because Matt got choked up with emotion. It was tough one for all of them. One that would haunt their memories for awhile. Some more than others.

Kelly watched Matt for awhile but went on ahead. He'd keep his eyes on Matt and be there when he was needed. Matt knew where to find him. He'd stay close by for when that time came.

Matt dials a number to Hannah's family. The answering machine comes on and says "No one is home please leave a message." Matt takes a deep breath and leaves a message. "Hi this is Lieutenant Matthew Casey at Firehouse Fifty-One I need to get in touch with you about Hannah. She gave me a message to pass on. You can either call me or stop by the Firehouse. I'm so sorry for your loss." Matt hangs up after he leaves a message.

Matt stands up and heads to the gym. He puts on the boxing gloves and starts punching the bag hanging in front of him waiting for him to expel some of his pent up emotion. Air whooshes from his lungs as he hits the bag repeatedly.

For half and hour he is doing well but he tires out and he stops. Chief Boden goes up to Matt and waits until Matt notices him. "Oh hey Chief." Matt says. "There is someone here to see you." Chief Boden looks at Matt with concern.

Matt heads out to the hanger where the person is. "Hi. I'm Timothy MacDonald. Hannah's father." Mr. MacDonald said. Matt gets his phone out to play the message that she left on his phone. He hands it to her father and he watches the last message he will ever get from his daughter.

The message ends and he hands the phone back to Matt. "Thank you so much for all you could do. Thank you for saving my Grandson." Mr. MacDonald told Matt. Mr. MacDonald is clearly upset. Tears unshed shining in his eyes. Matt puts his arm around the grieving father. "I tried to save Hanna but lightning struck the ground with the gasoline on it and it went up. I couldn't get to her in time. I'm so sorry for your loss of your daughter." Matt says pulling back.

"I understand. She didn't suffer did she?" Mr. MacDonald looked at Matt. Matt shook his head no. "No Sir she did not." Matt told the father. He knew the truth but why share something so devastating when in reality Mr. MacDonald didn't really want to know.

"Thank you again for all you did and for what everyone did out there. I know you all tried your best to save her but I guess it must have been her time." Mr. MacDonald says, as he starts to sob. Matt pulls the father into and embrace as he sobs against him. Everyone gathers around Matt and the father.

Mr. MacDonald wipes his eyes after he gains control of his emotions. Chief Boden goes up to Mr. MacDonald and shakes his hand, telling him "I'm so sorry for your loss." "Thank you everyone for your help." Mr. MacDonald turns to go. Everyone stares after Mr. MacDonald then they all get back to what they were doing.

Matt sees Kelly at the squad table playing cards with the guys. He heads over and takes a seat. He is very quiet and pensive. "You want to play?" Kelly looks over at Matt. "Sure." Matt says hoping for a little distraction away from his depressing thoughts. The guys get in two games which Matt actually won. "Lady luck is with you Man." Kelly tells Matt. "For a change today." Matt looks at his friend with a sad expression.

The alarm tone sounds as a woman's voice is heard saying: Truck 81, Squad 3, Ambulance 61...Engine 51...Shed fire in the back yard of a residents' home…Everyone heads to their receptive trucks and gets their gear on and heads out in matter of minutes. Sirens are blaring as they head to the fire.

When they get to the scene the fire is out of control and the owner is standing back, having given up in trying to put the fire out. "Is there anybody in there?" Matt asks the man who has soot on his face from trying to fight it himself in the beginning. "No." the man says. "How did it start?" Matt asks the man. "The lawn mower caught on fire and before I knew it, it was out of control." the owner says.

The firemen on the Engine put water on the fire getting it under control. Matt steps closer to the fire and he hears something. "Chief I hear something." Matt tells Boden. "Are you sure there is no one in there?" Chief Boden gruffly speaks to the man. "I don't know. I don't think so." the owner says. "Casey, Severide gear up and check." Chief Boden tells his best two firefighters.

The two firefighters step into the fire and the unknown. Matt hears something again. He follows the sound and goes toward it. Kelly checks the other side of the shed. Matt comes to and over turned Wheelbarrow and finds a surprise.

A three year old child a girl is laying beside the Wheelbarrow not moving, and he sees a mother cat and her three kitten under the wheelbarrow. "SEVERIDE I FOUND A LITTLE GIRL! I'M TAKING HER OUT!" Matt shouts over the radio.

Matt takes his mask off and puts it on the little girl so she can get fresh oxygen. First he places the kittens and mother cat in his turnout coat and re-closes it. He than picks up the little girl in his arms, holding her close as he heads outside. Gabby Dawson and Leslie Shay are eagerly awaiting for the little girl to check her out.

Chief Boden is watching for Matt Casey and Kelly Severide to come out. Both men finally do come out. Matt goes over to the gurney and lays the little three year old girl down as he takes his air mask off of her. He glances at the Chief who gives him a disapproving look for removing his air mask but understanding why he did it.

Leslie Shay put oxygen on the little girl and Gabby is checking her over. She has a heartbeat. "Emmy!" the owner and apparent Grandfather shouts going over to the little girl. The little girl's eyes flutter as if they are going to open. Everyone is watching and praying. Big green eyes stare up at everyone.

"Thank you God!" the Grandfather shouts out hugging his little Grandbaby. Leslie and Gabby load her into the ambulance to take her to Lakeshore Hospital to be checked out. The Grandfather gets on with them. Leslie gets out to go drive the ambulance to the hospital. Everyone watches as the ambulance speeds away.

Kelly looks over at Matt who is standing at Truck Eighty-One, wondering what he is doing and heads over to him. "What's up?" Kelly watches as Matt opens his turnout coat and pulls out the mother cat and her three kittens, and places them in the front seat of the truck, all meowing. "The little girl was beside the wheelbarrow and the cats were underneath so I'm assuming the little girl was petting the kittens when the fire broke out and her Grandfather didn't know she was there." Matt says petting the kittens which seemed fine.

Kelly shakes his head and laughs and gets back to work cleaning up as does Matt. The crew cleans up and heads back to the fire station. The trucks are parked in the hanger. Everyone takes off their turnout gear and hangs it back up neatly on the trucks ready for the next call.

Matt gathers up the little kittens and the mother cat follows him as he heads outside to give them all a bath. The kittens don't like it much as he washes them and dries them off. Matt washes up the mother cat who calmly sits as he finishes up the job. Matt puts the things away that he gathered together for the baths and put it all away.

Matt finds a box and puts some old blankets in it and takes it outside and places the kittens in the box. He then puts the box in the common room in and out of the way place and the mother cat is sniffing around checking things out. Pouch comes over checking the kittens out. The mother cat bristles as she stands ready to defend her little family. Pouch lays down beside the box which holds the kittens. The mother cat finally goes over to Pouch to check her out. Nothing happens as the mother cat settles down in the box along with her kittens and closes her eyes to sleep.

"Casey my office now." Chief Boden tells his truck lieutenant. Matt leaves out a sigh and follows knowing what this is about. "Close the door and have a seat." Chief Boden tells Matt. He closes the door and sits down.

"Next time on a call leave your mask on. If you have share, do it but take your mask back and leave it on. Do you hear me? I'm saying this once, Casey. Your move was a rookie move and you're a Lieutenant of Truck act like it. Show your men the right way." Chief Boden looks at Matt in his eyes. "Yes sir. I hear you." Matt stands up and leaves the office slamming the door.

Kelly Severide looks up from what he is doing when he sees Matt angrily walk past heading to the gym in the firehouse. Kelly follows kind of knowing what has Matt upset. He steps into the gym and watches as Matt goes over to the punching bag and picks up the gloves and pulls them on.

"Hey Matt you okay?" Kelly looks at concern at his brother, who has a look of sadness on his face and fatigue. Matt looks over at Kelly with a look of despair. "Yeah, I'm fine." Matt answers not ready to share his feelings yet. "Okay. You know where to find me if you need anything." Kelly gives Matt a pointed look. Matt nods his head as Kelly takes his leave.

Matt looks at the awaiting punching bag, just hanging there. He throws a punch and it feels good. He lets out all of his frustration. He goes strong for half and hour and then stops and takes his gloves off.

Matt heads to his office. He is caught up on his paperwork. He stands up and goes out to his men. "Hey my men meet me out front. Now." Matt tells everyone leaving no room for argument.

The men groan long and loud. "We're doing drills. We need to be ready and we need to stay in shape." Matt says. For the next hour the men do the drills. Finally Matt nods his head for the drills to be finished. "What is his problem?" Mouch says looking at Herrmann. Herrmann just shrugs his shoulders and heads inside.

Candidate Rebecca Jones made the meal. It wasn't to bad. She made hamburgers, French fries, and apple crisp for everyone. It wasn't to hard to mess up. "Thanks Jonesy. You did good." Herrmann takes another bite of his hamburger. "Thank you. That means a lot." Candidate Jones smiles at the compliment.

Matt Casey just pushes his food around on his plate not really hungry. _This shift isn't going fast enough. I just want it to be over with. _Matt is thinking as he stands up and put his plate by the sink.

Kelly Severide watches as his friend leaves the kitchen and heads back to the office. Kelly sees grief on his friend's face. He stays where he is at. Matt knows where to come. He looks down when he feels something at his leg. It is the mother cat rubbing against him.

Kelly pets the mother cat as she settles on his lap, purring and content. Pouch is having fun with all the kittens crawling all over her. The small kittens settle and lay with her for a little warmth. One little kitten is brave and wanders away from the safety of momma, its siblings, and Pouch. Following one certain man who left the kitchen.

Matt gets to his office. His work is done. He lays down on his bed and toes his shoes off, hoping to catch some sleep before the next call. His eyes close as sleep claims him. He begins to toss and turn. The covers getting tangled around him as images assault his mind taunting him. Nightmares haunting him about Hallie's death and how he couldn't save her.

Matt is crying out in his sleep, the nightmare not letting go of him. The little kitten sits beside the bed wanting to get up onto the bed. It is still to small to leap onto things that are to high. The little kitten lets out a few small meows.

Matt sits bolt upright in his bed as the nightmare finally lets go. He covers his face with his hands trying to wake up. He looks on the floor as he hears the small meows coming from that direction. He sees a kitten and picks it up.

The little thing settles down beside him, meowing at him. He smiles down at the kitten petting it. The nightmare is forgotten as Matt swings his legs to the floor and puts his shoes on. He gets up to make his bed and picks up the kitten and places the kitten in his left arm as he walks out to the common room.

Matt sits down on the couch and turns on the T.V. in the late hour that everyone is asleep between calls. He grabs the throw blanket hanging off of the couch and covers himself with it after placing his feet up on the coffee table and placing the kitten on his chest petting it as it settles down content. Matt changes the channel and comes up on the rerun of the T.V. show _House. _He leaves it for a second as he see the character of _Dr_. _Robert Chase _on the screen. Matt shakes his head in amazement at how similar he and that actor _Jesse Spencer _look. I guess everyone has a look alike somewhere. He changes the channel again and sees the movie _Backdraft _playing and leaves it on.

Kelly Severide opens his eyes at hearing someone up and he can guess who. He sits up and gets his shoes on and goes to check who is up. He sees Matt watching a movie petting one of the kittens. "Hey. Couldn't sleep?" Kelly sits down on the other end of the couch as Matt looks over at him.

"No. I had a nightmare and I couldn't go back to sleep. If I woke you I'm sorry." Matt says turning to look at his friend. "No you didn't wake me. It's all good." Kelly says. "I just wish this shift would end soon." Matt says and doesn't elaborate on why. "I guess everyone feels that way at one time or another." Kelly says to his friend.

The tones sound. Truck 81...Engine 61...Squad 3...Fully involved house fire on…Kelly and Matt rush out to get their gear on as everyone else does. Within minutes everyone is ready and in the trucks as they all rush to the fire.

As they pull up onto the scene the house is fully involved. "It looks bad." Herrmann says seeing the fire. All the firefighters jump out and get busy listening to order being shouted out. "My fiancée is still inside. I tried to go back in but it got to bad. I had to grab my niece from her bedroom. We were babysitting." William Quinn tells the firefighter as they head in.

"What part of the house was she in?" Matt questions the young man he saw this morning. "She was getting my nephew. That is the last I saw of her." William says. Dawson and Shay checked William out along with his niece.

The two lieutenants head inside to do a search of Jennifer Richardson and the nephew. Joe Cruz and Candidate Jones do the venting on the roof. Engine gets the hoses ready. "I'LL LOOK UPSTARS!" Matt yells to Severide. "OKAY I'LL SEARCH DOWN HERE!" Kelly yells back. Matt takes the stairway upstairs. He calls out, "FIRE DEPARTMENT! CALL OUT!" He checks the big bedroom and finds it empty. Matt than heads to the small bedroom. Shouting as he goes.

Matt gets low sweeping his arm back and forth. He finds Jennifer on the floor at the window. Her body covering that of her would be nephew when she would get married to William. "Chief, Severide. I found them. I'm on the second floor in the small bedroom." Matt Casey says into his radio. Matt rolls Jennifer off of her nephew. He is moving but unconscious.

Chief Boden orders the ladder on truck to be extended to the bedroom window since the fire is getting worse. Kelly Severide goes up the ladder having searched and cleared the rest of the house downstairs. Matt opens the window as the ladder is right outside. He sees Kelly coming.

Matt hands the young boy to Kelly. Matt climbs out the window and carries Jennifer down with him. All make it to the bottom and Matt lays Jennifer down on the gurney ready and waiting.

"Please save her. We're getting married next year in May." William say watching as Shay and Dawson try to save her. Both paramedics try to do their best but it is to late. "NO!" William shouts as he goes up to Jennifer and keeps doing the CPR. Everyone watches helplessly as he tries to save his fiancée. For the longest time he keeps it up but Leslie Shay and Gabriela Dawson put their hands over his to make him stop. William stops and steps back, total grief consumes him as he lets out a wailing sob. "NO! NO! IT CAN BE!" William is sobbing as he falls to his knees. Matt stands by the ambulance as memories come to the surface. Matt remembers that he tried to save Hallie in the ambulance by giving her CPR but sadly it was to late to save her. Kelly puts his hand on his shoulder to remind him that he isn't alone in the memories. He just can't believe that sweet young lady with hopes and dreams is gone. The one that was kind and bought him that coffee before he started shift.

Matt goes up to William to a least try to comfort him but he himself knows how hard the journey is. No matter how many people want to be there for you, always in the end you have to go the dark path alone but at least the few people that are there make the pain easier to bear.

William's nephew is loaded onto a second ambulance on scene, along with his sister to be taken to Lakeshore Hospital. William stands up. He is grief stricken. The love of his life is gone. His high school sweetheart, his once in a lifetime love which he was so lucky to find is no longer with him in his life.

William turns toward Matt, he is feeling so much grief at losing the love of his life and doesn't want to feel it. Instead he goes with anger for the moment but blames the wrong person. "WHY COULDN'T YOU SAVE HER? IT IS YOUR FAULT SHE IS DEAD!" William shouts at Matt Casey.

Matt just looks at the young man as he is blamed for the death of the young woman. William gets onto the ambulance with his niece and nephew to head to the hospital. Kelly goes up to Matt and pats him on the shoulder.

Matt looks at Kelly despair and grief. His eyes shining with unshed tears in his eyes. The firefighters get back to work fighting the fire. Everyone cleans up the scene and heads back to the firehouse.

Everyone hangs up their gear so it is ready for the next call. Matt is very quiet and says nothing. Everyone on his team is keeping their eyes on him. They are concerned for him. They know this fire will bring back memories for Matt. Everyone heads to the common room. Matt goes over to the kittens and picks the one that followed him to his office up.

He sits on the one end of the couch that Mouch isn't sitting in. Matt pets the kitten absent-mindedly as his thoughts wander. Jeff Clarke looks at Kelly with his concern for Matt. "Who did he lose?' Jeff asks Kelly in a quiet voice. "In a few months it'll be a year since he lost, Hallie his on again off again, girlfriend and fiancée. They were just starting to get to know one another again when she was killed and left in a fire at the clinic she worked at. He is having a bad day. He is missing her." Kelly tells Jeff who understands loss.

Jeff goes over to sit by Matt. No words are said. Just a friend being their for another. Pouch sits by Matt's feet. Whining at the sadness she feels coming from him. The kitten meows as it climbs up Matt's shirt with its tiny sharp claws and settles down onto Matt's shoulder. Matt takes the kitten and puts the tiny thing with its mother and heads out to the hanger.

Matt watches as the sun comes up over the city of Chicago. A promise of a new day. Some people are touched by tragedy and change while others are still blessed with what they still know and love.

In the kitchen Candidate Jones is making breakfast for everyone. Scrambled eggs,


	2. Chapter Two Matt's Bad Day

bacon, and toast. Matt smells the aroma of breakfast so he heads in to eat. Everyone is sitting at the table and Matt finds a seat and sits down. He reaches for the bowl with the scrambled eggs and scoops some onto his plate and sets the bowl back onto the table. He sees the bacon plate and places three strips of bacon next to his eggs and puts the plate back onto the table.

Matt takes a bite of his eggs. The food is pretty good. Rebecca Jones is getting a little better at cooking for all the men. At least no one has gotten sick and died from her cooking. Everyone is quiet as they eat their breakfast. Matt finishes his food and stands up and takes his plate to the sink and heads to the office to do his paperwork on the last fire. Everyone gets busy cleaning up and stocking up the fire trucks and other stuff before the shift ends.

Kelly Severide is checking the equipment on the squad truck when he sees the man from the shed fire walking up to the firehouse with the three year old little girl that Matt saved.

"Hey what can I do for you?" Kelly stands up and shakes the man's hand. "Hi I'm Garrett Benson and this is my Granddaughter Emily Gilbert. She wants to say thank you to the firefighter that saved her. She won't let it go." Garrett says shaking Kelly's hand. Kelly kneels down to the little girl's level. "Hey. How are you?" Kelly smiles at the little girl standing in front of him. She is playing shy at the moment.

"May I pick you up?" Kelly asks holding out his arms for the little girl to step into. Emily takes a step into his embrace sucking her thumb. Kelly stands up and heads into the firehouse, motioning with his head for Garrett to follow. Kelly steps into the common room and sets the little girl down near the kittens with the mother cat and Pouch. There is a smile on her little face as she pets the kittens. "Guys this is Emily from the shed fire and her father Garrett." Kelly says heading back toward Matt's office to get his friend.

Kelly steps into Matt's office. "Hey Matt there is someone here to see you in the common room." Kelly says stepping back out. Matt looks up at Kelly then puts down his pen and stands up to follow. He heads toward the common room wondering who it was that wanted to see him.

Matt sees the little girl from the shed fire and smiles. The little girl turns toward him and her face lights up. She reaches up toward him indicating that she wants picked up. "Hey sweetie. How are you doing?" Matt kisses the little girl on her forehead. Her big green eyes look at him in wonder. Her blond hair in little pig tails at the side of her head.

Emily wraps her little arms around Matt's neck and gives him the biggest hug from her tiny frame. Leslie Shay and Gabby Dawson are heard saying; "Awe." The little girl than gives Matt a kiss on the cheek. Her tiny voice than says; "Thank you." Matt is very touched at the sweet gesture the little girl did for him.

"Do you want to go see the fire trucks?" Matt smiles at Emily. The little girl answered with a "Yes please." but it sounded like this; "Yes preeze." Matt walks out to the hanger with her nestled in his arms. She lays her tiny head on his shoulder, trusting him completely to keep her safe.

"Hey sweetie this is the fire truck I ride in." Matt open the passenger door to truck eighty-one and gets in. Emily settles on Matt's lap, content. He tells her all about the truck. He then gets out with Emily still in his arms.

He than takes her to the other trucks and the ambulance. Matt heads into the common room and sets the little girl at the kittens. Emily's face lights up as she sits on the floor to play with the fuzzy kittens. "Would you like to take them home again,? We were keeping them safe here and checked them out. They're good to go Sweetie." Matt kneels down beside the child.

Emily nods her head yeah. Matt picks up the box with the mother cat and the three kittens and gives it to Garrett to take to his vehicle. Matt picks Emily up again. The little girl lays her head on his shoulder. "What else do you want to see Sweetie?" Matt asks Emily.

"I want to stay with you." Emily told Matt but it came out like this; "I want to stay wiff you." Her Grandfather comes back in after placing the cats in his vehicle. Emily is falling asleep in Matt's arms and her head is pillowed by his shoulder.

Gently and quietly Matt places little Emily in her Grandfather's arms since she fell asleep. "Thank you so much Sir for bringing her here. It means a lot. If she ever wants to come back feel free to do so." Matt tells the older man. "You're welcome. My pleasure for bringing her here. She kept asking to see you." Garrett says shifting Emily so that she is on his shoulder.

Garrett walks out to the hanger, as he does so Emily opens her eyes a crack and waves goodbye to Matt who is standing and still watching. Emily than promptly falls back to sleep but not before she sticks her thumb in her mouth.

"You have a new little friend huh Matt?" Kelly smiles at Matt. "Yeah. She sure is cute." Matt smiles at Kelly. Matt heads to his office hearing Leslie and Gabby gossiping in the laundry room. He shakes his head. He just hopes the news is juicy and good. Matt feels like his spirits have lifted somewhat after seeing little Emily. He still misses Hallie but the pain has lessened somewhat.

Everyone gets changed out and heads for a debriefing before they go. Matt sits next to Kelly. Kelly watches Matt, noticing that he seems a little happier. "Hey man you want to hang after shift today?" Kelly asks Matt. "No I just want to grab some sleep. Maybe later though." Matt says as Wallace Boden finishes talking.

Everyone stands up and heads out to their vehicles. Matt Casey hoists his bag up onto his shoulder as he walks to his truck. He digs his keys out of his pocket to unlock his truck so he could drive home and get some sleep.

Matt stops as a voice says; "I just want to talk. Get in your truck slowly." Matt looks at William Quinn, whom looks exhausted who is standing beside his truck with a gun in his hand. "Take it easy. If you need to talk we can do that." Matt says placating William, his hands raised.

"WHY DO GOOD PEOPLE HAVE TO DIE?! WHY?! I loved her and now she is gone!" William shouts out at Matt. "Look I don't understand why certain things happen. They just do at times." Matt looks at William, whom is still pointing the gun at him.

Matt lowers his hands waiting for what William would do. "Jennifer was my one. I've known her since school. We were best friends since middle school then we fell in love with one another." William looks at Matt still pointing his gun at Matt. "Look I know what it is like to lose someone. It'll be a year coming up since Hallie died. She was killed and left in a fire to cover her murder up." Matt tells William.

"I don't want to go on without her." William says the gun relaxing in his grip. Matt places his hand in his pocket to reach his cell phone. "At first the pain is so intense that you don't think you can get through it but it lessens with time. It never really goes away. You just have to learn to deal with it. You have your memories and at first the memories can haunt you but they can be lifesaving. The good times and the bad times." Matt looks over his shoulder to see if anyone is still here. It seems that everyone left.

"Get in the truck." William points the gun at Matt again. Matt takes a deep breath and leaves out a sigh. He gets into the driver's side and starts the truck. William gets in the passenger side. William tells him where to go. Moments later Matt parks his truck at the burned house that William and Jennifer were going to start their life together as man and wife.

Both men get out of the truck. "This was going to be our new beginning but I guess it is and ending." William tightens his grip on the gun. "William what are you doing?" Matt senses that things are going to escalate. William isn't even looking at him anymore.

Matt reaches for his phone and pulls it out. He hit's the speed dial and the phone connects. The voice on the other end says; "Hello?" as the person picks up.

CF~~~~~~CF

Earlier at the firehouse, Kelly parts ways with Matt as he heads to his car. Kelly waits for Leslie Shay to get to the car. _What the hell is taking her so long?_ Kelly thinks impatiently tapping the top of his car.

Slowly Leslie Shay swaggers over to the car and gets in. Kelly gets in the driver's side and starts the car, as he cocks his head and looks over at his BFF. "I may have met someone." Leslie smiles over at Kelly. Kelly raises his eyebrows as he checks for traffic and peels out of the parking space.

Kelly parks his car in his space and gets out as does Leslie. They each grab their bags and head into the apartment. Kelly heads for his room and shuts the blinds and lays down to get some much needed sleep.

It seems only like moments later but it could have been thirty minutes later, Kelly doesn't know but his cells phone rings. He wasn't going to answer the damn thing but something told him to pick it up. Kelly stumbles over to his dresser to pick up his cell phone where he left it.

"Hello?" Kelly says into the phone. "Kelly, I need you now! I'm at the scene of the bad house fire from the last shift. Get help from someone. William isn't doing so well." Matt quickly speaks into his cell phone. "I'm on my way. Hold on." Kelly says into his phone as he puts his shoes on and runs out of his room and down the stairs but not before he bangs on Leslie's bedroom door.

"Please hurry!" Matt says as Kelly hears something like a gunshot and the phone goes dead. "Shit!" Kelly yells as he runs out to his car faster and Shay doesn't ask questions but follows and gets in the car.

CF~~~~~~CF

Fifteen minutes later, Kelly pulls his car up behind Matt's truck. Kelly and Leslie get out of the car and go over to where they find Matt sitting on the ground his legs pulled up and his head resting on his knees his arms around his legs, shaking. Kelly looks around and sees a shape of a body covered in a sheet on the ground. There are police walking around the scene.

Antonio is kneeling by Matt trying to get him to talk but shock is setting in from what he had witnessed. Kelly hurries over to Matt and crouches down in front of him. "Hey Matt I'm here." Kelly replies concerned for his friend, his brother. Matt looks up at Kelly totally broken by what happened Twenty-five minutes ago. Kelly is taken aback at the blood he sees sprayed on Matt's face but none of it his. It is William's blood.

Kelly looks over at Antonio with a implied question on his face with no words needed; which is, What the hell happened? Antonio stands up motioning with his head to step away from Matt. Kelly follows the detective the short distance away as he watches Leslie go get a blanket from the car and go back to Matt to cover him up. "From what I understand William was waiting for Matt at the firehouse after his shift and told him to get in his truck and this is where they came to. It became apparent to Matt what William was planning but it was to late. Now Matt is in shock. Take him with you and if I need to question him more I know where to find him. I'll make sure Matt's truck gets dropped off." Antonio says.

Kelly nods his head and heads back over to Matt. "Hey buddy lets get you back home." Kelly says kneeling in front of Matt. "I'm worried he is so cold." Leslie says, knowing how Matt might be feeling because she witnessed someone on her ambulance run take his own life right in front of her and Gabby.

Kelly and Leslie help Matt to stand up and walk him over to the car. Leslie helps Matt into the car and into the backseat on Kelly's side of the car. Kelly grabbed Matt's bag from his truck and puts it in the backseat next to Leslie. Kelly gets in and starts the car and when traffic is cleat pulls out and heads to the apartment.

CF~~~~~~CF

At the apartment Matt is showered and dressed in dark blue CFD sweats and covered in a blanket still shivering as he sits on the couch. Kelly keeps his eyes on Matt. He hates not knowing what to do but he does know to be here for Matt. Leslie is sitting by Matt her arm around his back to give him comfort. Matt hasn't spoken any words yet. He is in deep shock. He couldn't stop William and it happened so fast. One minute he was talking and the next he was on the ground dead.

The last moments of William's life are stuck and frozen in Matt's mind and Matt can't seem to move forward. Kelly grabs a glass and fills it with ice cold water and takes it over to Matt. Kelly hands the glass to Matt. Matt takes a sip of water and sets the glass down.

Matt sits back on the couch as Kelly sits next to him on his right side. Kelly turns the T.V. on for a distraction but has to quickly change it, seeing news coverage on William. Matt is still shivering as he lays his head on Kelly's shoulder.

It was just yesterday that he met Jennifer and William at the coffee shop. Jen was so kind in buying him his coffee. He saw a young couple so much in love getting ready to start out in life and now today they were both just gone from this world.

Hot scalding tears flow from Matt's eyes as the shock fades and reality sets in. Matt's shoulders shake from pent-up emotions being repressed for to long. Matt begins to sob in earnest. Kelly puts his arms around Matt hugging him as he cries into Kelly's chest. Matt feels so much pain at how William ended his own life and the loss of the sweet young woman Jennifer. Also the pain of the memories of Hallie and the last shift in general. He couldn't hold back his feelings anymore he had to feel them and to release them.

Finally after a long while Matt seems calm again. His emotions are spend. Matt slowly sits up putting his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees. He still isn't ready to talk yet so he says nothing. He just feels extremely tired. Leslie stands up and grabs a throw pillow and places it where she was sitting as she guides Matt to laying down. She makes sure the blanket is covering Matt.

"I'm heading upstairs to get some sleep. Do come get me if you need me." Leslie says heading upstairs. Kelly nods at her, watching her head upstairs. Kelly stands up also. Matt seems fine for now. Kelly heads upstairs to get some sleep also. The apartment is quiet since the three occupants are sleeping.

CF~~~~~~CF

Images fill Matt's mind, haunting him. His eyes snap open and he sits up. _How can I forget the image forever stuck in my mind?! _Matt stands up and heads to the refrigerator. He shuts the door. A beer in hand. He heads back to the couch and sets the beer on the coffee table unopened. _I can't do that. Drink to forget. It'll still haunt me until I deal with it and by doing that I have to talk to somebody. _Matt thinks seeing Leslie coming down the stairs dressed and showered.

Leslie looks Matt over before she talks to him. She sees that haunted look on his face like she had when _Darryl _killed himself in front of her and Gabby. "Do you need to talk?" Leslie sits down by Matt. "How did you handle it when you saw Darryl shoot himself?" Matt looks at Leslie. "At first I didn't handle it. Remember Devon? That was a very bad choice on my part. At first I was running but some people reached out to me and pulled me back from the brink." Leslie states looking at Matt.

"Thank you." Matt whispers. "You're welcome. I better head on out. I met someone and she seems nice." Leslie stands up and waves god-bye to Matt. Matt waves good-bye and smiles. "Go get her tiger. Just don't scare her off. You do look nice." Matt smiles at Leslie. "Thanks I'll do that." Leslie laughs heading out the door in black dress pants and a red top.

Kelly Severide, walks downstairs. He is showered, shaved and dressed, in black jeans and a T-shirt. "Hey Matt want to do something?" Kelly replies seeing the unopened beer sitting on the coffee table and grabbing it and twisting the cap off and taking a sip. Kelly makes a face but swallows the beer. It has been out for awhile, not as cold when it is straight from the refrigerator. The beer bottle is sweating with condensation having been setting out for a little bit. Kelly takes a seat in the chair close to the couch and takes another swig of the beer.

"What do you have in mind?" Matt looks at Kelly questioningly. "What about bowling? I haven't beaten you in awhile." Kelly smirks. "Yeah right. You only wish you could beat me." Matt snickers standing up and heading upstairs to get his bag to find something to wear.

The clothes he was wearing were being washed. He found and outfit and changed clothes. He wore blue jeans and a red flannel shirt. He went back downstairs to join Severide who finished the beer and put the empty bottle on the counter to be dealt with later. "Hey Kelly call Chris and invite him and his children. Call Jeff Clarke too." Matt wants to have some fun.

Kelly makes the calls and it is a go. It is game on. Matt and Kelly head out the door. Kelly and Matt get into Kelly's car and head to the bowling alley. Kelly pulls into the parking lot of the bowling alley and parks his car. They both head inside, seeing the Herrmann's SUV and Clarke's car.

"Hey Severide. Hey Casey." Herrmann says seeing the two lieutenants coming to join him and Jeff Clarke who is sitting with four of the five Herrmann children since the youngest isn't even a year old yet.

"Hey Herrmann. Hey Clarke" both Kelly and Matt say in unison. "Hey." Jeff Clarke says turning to face the two men. "I'm ready to kick your butts." Herrmann says to the two men. "Yeah okay. This should be good." Kelly snickers. "We can make this interesting. Truck verses Squad. We're even. Herrmann and I verses Severide and Clarke and we each get two children." Matt smiles liking the challenge. "Yeah okay in your dreams." Kelly laughs at Matt.

The game is on. All in fun. Matt kneels down beside Chris's daughter. "Hey Sweet Heart, roll the ball like this." Matt shows her how to roll the heavy ball down the lane so she could handle it. Little Annie rolls the ball. It is slow going as the ball rolls down the lane and finally makes a strike. Annie jumps up and down, a big smile on her face. Matt laughs.

For awhile Kelly's team is ahead and than Matt's team pulls ahead. Game one ends and Matt's team wins the game. They all start a second game. In a room away from the playing lanes there is a child's birthday party going on. It looks like a huge success. There is cake and ice cream and balloons and a whole lot of children running and playing.

Matt is up getting ready to roll the ball down the lane as a balloon pops in the background and he is suddenly back to the scene with William. Jeff Clarke notices Matt not moving so he goes up beside him and takes the bowling ball from his hands and sets it down and leads him to a chair. "Hey Severide!" Jeff yells over the din of the bowling alley. Kelly looks over and sees Jeff with Matt with that haunted look on his face.

Jeff sees the look that Matt has on his face from solders returning home. That thousand yard look. Now better known as PTSD. "Hey buddy come on." Kelly says a little worried for his friend. "What happened?" Jeff Clarke asks Kelly. "He witnessed that young man William take his own life after shift today. He wasn't talking then either. He was in shock. What happened that he is like this again?" Kelly asks. "I heard a balloon pop." Jeff replies.

"Hey Matt we're here for you." Chris Herrmann says sitting beside his Lieutenant. Kelly kneels down in front of Matt and puts his hands on Matt's cheeks. "Matt it isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself." Kelly replies hoping Matt hears him.

Matt eyes blink and he sees Kelly. Tears start to run down his face. "I couldn't stop him, Kelly. I couldn't stop him." Matt whispers as tears silently fall down his face. "It's all right Matt. I had a friend who I couldn't save. He texted me: "No more sand left. I was to late." Jeff Clarke says.

Annie Herrmann goes up to Matt and gives him a hug, "Awe Sweetie. Thank you." Matt says picking her up and placing her on his lap. She lays her head on his shoulder. "I think we should go." Kelly says still kneeling on the floor so he stands up. "No stay for the children. I'm fine. Just give me time." Matt pleads with Kelly. Giving him that puppy dog look that he is so famous for.

"Hey Annie you still want to play?" Chris asks his daughter. "I'll play if he plays." Annie says looking up at Matt. "Okay. I'll go up if you come with me." Matt looks at Annie. "Okay." Annie nods her little head.

Moments later Matt walks up holding Annie's hand in his as he picks up his bowling ball ready to roll it. He has Annie help him roll the ball. He gets a strike. Matt smiles at Annie. Now it is game on again for everyone.

Matt also wins the second game. "Severide you better practice some more. You're a little rusty." Matt snickers. "Like I said Lady luck is with you man." Kelly laughs. "Who wants pizza?" Matt looks around. "I got to get the children home and ready for bed. Maybe another time." Chris says clapping Matt on the back. "See you children." Matt bends down and hugs all the children at once.

The Herrmann clan leaves. Matt looks at Jeff. "Want to go get pizza?" Matt looks at Jeff. "Sure I'm hungry for some pizza." Jeff says as Kelly paid for the bowling. "Where to now?" Kelly walks up to the two men. "Pizza." both men answer. They all leave the bowling alley and head to a pizza shop for some pizza.

CF~~~~~~CF

Inside the pizza place the three men ordered a large pepperoni pizza to go. About twenty minutes later it was ready. Kelly heads back to his apartment and Jeff Clarke follows. Kelly puts the pizza on the table for everyone as someone knocks on the door. "Pick a movie" Kelly says as he goes to answer the door.

Antonio Dawson is standing at the doorway. "Come in." Kelly invites Antonio inside. "I won't stay long. Is Matt still here?" Antonio asks Kelly. "Hey Matt, Antonio wants to see you." Kelly says going up to Matt. "Oh hey Antonio." Matt says walking over to Antonio.

"They found this letter addressed to you from William. We checked it out but we didn't open it." Antonio hands the unopened letter to Matt. "Thank you. You don't have anymore questions for me?" Matt takes the letter. "No. If I do I'll come find you. Take care," Antonio lets himself out the door as Matt stands and stares at the letter.

Kelly is sitting in his chair watching Matt holding the letter and opening it. He stays where he is letting Matt read it alone. He stands as he sees his friend stumble and drop the letter to the floor. Kelly grabs Matt's arm as Jeff grabs his other arm. They both lead Matt to the couch and have him sit down.

Jeff goes to fill a glass with water and hands it to him as Kelly kneels in front of his friend, placing his palms on his cheeks to focus him. "MATT STAY WITH ME!" Kelly shouts. Matt shakes his head as if trying to clear it. Black spots dance in front of his eyes and he feels dizzy. He feels nauseous and feels like he is going to throw up. He stands up and runs for the bathroom.

Both Kelly and Jeff hear Matt retching in the bathroom. The toilet flushes. Matt slashes water on his hot face. He dries his face on a towel hanging on the rod next to the sink. He still feels dizzy and his head is swimming. He stumbles out to the living room.

Kelly and Jeff grab him again as he sinks to the floor. They lay him down on the couch. They check on him. He seems fine. They just let him rest for awhile. Jeff goes over to the letter that is on the floor and picks it up. He reads it and hands it to Kelly.

The letter reads;

Dear Matt Casey,

I'm sorry I have to do what I'm planning. I can't go on without Jennifer.

Thank you for all you did. It isn't your fault I'm sorry I said that. I'm leaving you with everything I have. Please use it. I don't want to work through the pain anymore. I'm sinking under the despair.

William Quinn

Kelly folds the letter and puts it back in the envelope and sets it on the table. _No wonder Matt couldn't deal with the letter_. Kelly thinks going over to the couch and checking on Matt. Matt's eyes open. He puts his right hand to his head. He doesn't move. His head feels a bit fuzzy, and he can't remember why he is laying down.

"Hey Matt are you okay?" Kelly asked his friend. "What happened?" Matt tries to sit up but has trouble. Jeff and Kelly help him sit up. Matt sees the glass of water on the coffee table from earlier and he picks it up to drink it.

"Why am I laying down?" Matt asks. "You read William's letter." Jeff answers. Matt face pales. Now he remembers. "I need to find William's family and talk to them." Matt says looking at Kelly. "I don't know if that is such a good idea, Matt." Kelly has a worried expression on his face.

"I need to talk to them." Matt is adamant. "Okay. Calm down. We'll help you find them but not anymore today. You need to rest buddy." Kelly looks at Matt. With concern. Matt looks at Kelly and Jeff, he wants to say something but he doesn't know how to start.

"What is it Matt?" Kelly can tell that Matt has something on his mind. "If it wasn't for my family at fifty-one I might have been in the same place he was last year. When Hallie died I was lost. Nothing made any sense to me. I needed help and everyone reached out to me. I could have been where William was today. I-I still miss Hallie at times but most days I go on. Some days are still hard to get through. I have a few ideas on how to use the money that William gave me if his family lets me. If I couldn't help him in life maybe I can make him a legacy in death to help others." Matt told Kelly and Jeff.

"That sounds wonderful man." Jeff says. "I don't know why I had to witness his last moments which are going to be hard to forget but I can make something count of his life." Matt says taking a deep breath. "Take care. I have to go. If you need to talk give a call. I know what you're going through and so does Leslie Shay." Jeff stands up gets his coat and heads out the door.

As Jeff leaves the apartment Leslie Shay comes back from her date. "Hey Shay. How was your date?" Kelly asks. "It was wonderful." Leslie smiles over at Kelly and Matt. She sits down beside Matt. "That's good." Kelly smiles at Shay. "How are you Matt?" Leslie sees how pale Matt looks. "I'm -I'm hanging in there. I read a letter William left me." Matt tells Leslie straight out. Both of his friends look at him in surprise since he didn't say that he was fine.

Matt doesn't notice their looks as he lays his head back on the couch and closes his eyes. Leslie takes Matt's hand in hers and squeezes. Matt squeezes back and a few tears escape his closed eyes as they leave a wet trail down to his ears. "Awe, Matt." Leslie says snuggling at Matt's side and laying her head on his shoulder. She wipes away the wetness left by his tears.

Matt buries his head in Leslie's shoulder as he starts to cry silently. Leslie just holds him being there for a friend. She knows exactly what he is going through. At least when she did go down the dark path she was pulled back by her friends. Took her awhile to deal with it but finally she did deal with it.

After awhile Matt fell asleep in Leslie's arms. Leslie detangles herself from Matt and stands up. She grabs the blanket at the end of the couch and covers him up as she lays him down. She grabs a bigger pillow from upstairs and takes it down to Matt and put it under his head.

"Hey Kelly I'm going to bed. It has been a long day." Leslie heads upstairs and goes to her room and gets ready for bed. Kelly likes her idea and also gets ready for bed. All is quiet and peaceful. Matt gets the rest he needs and has no nightmares. Everyone stays asleep till morning.

CF~~~~~~CF

Two days later Matt Casey is standing on the doorstep of William Quinn's parents. He is waiting for them to answer the door. He is nervous waiting for them. He had a whole speech memorized to tell them but it has fled his mind.

The front door opens and Mrs. Quinn stands at the doorway. She is average height, with shoulder length brown hair. Her green, gray eyes are touched with sadness and are red rimmed and puffy looking. She looks at Matt who stands in front of her. "Hi I'm Matt Casey. I'm a firefighter. I was at the fire that took the life of Jennifer Richardson. I'm the one that found her." Matt told the woman.

Matt gets pulled into her arms as she hugs him. Matt holds her as she weeps. "You're the young man who tried to help William but it wasn't to be." Mrs. Quinn said stepping away from his embrace and tabbing her eyes with a tissue she had in her pocket. Matt nods his head. "Come in." Mrs. Quinn says. Matt follows her inside and she shuts the door.

Mrs. Quinn leads him to the living room. It is a well kept room and looks comfortable. Dr. Quinn stands up and shakes Matt's hand. Matt sees where William got his looks from. "Hi Sir I'm Matt Casey." Matt says getting pulled into a hug. "Antonio Dawson told us about you. I'm so sorry you had to witness my son's suicide." Dr. Quinn says. Matt blinks his eyes to keep tears from falling. "Thank you Sir. I just want to talk to you and your wife about the letter he left me and some ideas I have." Matt says, still standing.

"Have a seat. Call me Elwood." Dr. Quinn says. Both men sit down. Mrs. Quinn brings in a tray with iced tea in glasses for everyone. She sets the tray down on the coffee table and sits beside her husband. "You can call me Janet. What may we do for you?" Mrs. Quinn looks over at Matt.

Matt hands them the letter that William has written to him. "He left me his assets. All of them. I think even the house. I wanted to set it up to donate and start a charity in the names of Jennifer Richardson and William Quinn to help and prevent suicides. To reach out to others before it is to late." Matt looks at both of William's parents.

"I love the idea. Yes we'll help you set it up." Janet Quinn says. "Yes I agree with your idea." Elwood Quinn says. Matt takes a deep breath. "I have more." Matt says. "Go on." both Janet and Elwood say. "I have and idea about their funerals. Have the funerals together. Since they were engaged and were going to be married next year. They must have the same friends and family. Also were you going to put the gravesite together?" Matt says.

"We'll talk to Jennifer's parents and let you know. I wanted to do something special since this is the last thing we can do for them. Since it turned into a goodbye instead of a joining of two families." Janet says. "Here is my number." Matt says standing up and handing them a piece of paper with his number on it. Both of them stood up. They walked Matt to the door.

Matt took the steps down to the walkway and headed for Kelly's car. He was glad Kelly talked him in coming along just in case he needed him for support. It felt good knowing he was there to help if needed.

Matt gets in and buckles the seatbelt. "How'd it go?" Kelly asks looking at Matt. "It went well." Matt says looking over at Kelly as he starts the car and pulls out when it is clear to go.

"I'm glad to hear it." Kelly says heading to the firehouse for their shift coming up. "I was really nervous." Matt says looking over at Kelly. "I could tell." Kelly says. "They'll call me later about the other ideas I had. I just hope it isn't to morbid." Matt looks out the window lost in his thoughts. Kelly turns on the radio and the song; _Lean On Me _comes pouring fourth.

Kelly parks his car at the firehouse. Both of them get out of the car. They both go and get changed for shift. They go to the briefing at the start of shift. Matt goes up to Chief Boden. "May I stay at the house? I'm not in the frame of mind to go out on calls." Matt says. "Yeah sure." Chief Boden says clapping Matt on the back. Matt goes to sit down.

In twenty minutes the briefing is over and the shift starts. Matt goes to his office to do paperwork. Everyone is doing other things to get ready for the day. Pouch finds Matt in his office and hopes onto his bed and lays down. Mostly it is a slow day. Matt heads for the common room to check things out. Mouch is in his usual spot on the couch that is forever in his shape. No one else can sit there since it doesn't match their bottoms. So everyone jokes.

Matt sits down at the table and picks up the paper to see what is happening in the area. The tones go off. Truck 81...Squad 3...Engine 51...Ambulance 61...A house fire at… and everyone is off and running. Matt watches them go. He hopes all goes well.

Matt finds a ball and goes to Pouch and heads outside to play with her. She is jumping and ready for some fun. This goes on for half and hour. A car pull up to the firehouse. "You have to help us! My wife is in labor and the baby is coming now!" the husband shouts at Matt. Matt runs into the firehouse and grabs a radio and rubber gloves and clean blankets that they use for the ambulance. He runs back out and the woman is ready. The husband wasn't kidding.

"Push!" Matt tells the woman. She grunts and screams and pushes. Baby number one is delivered. Matt holds the baby in his arms but the lady is still in labor with a surprise baby number two on the way. "TWINS?! How did the doctor miss that?" the husband looks at his wife. His wife is to busy at delivering the second baby to answer her husband.

Matt hands the first baby to the husband as he prepares for the second baby coming out. As Matt is helping with the birth the others come back from the call that they went on. Leslie Shay and Gabby Dawson see what is going on and go over to help just as the second baby is born.

"You did it. Two little boys." Matt Casey says, happy and joyous. Leslie grabs a gurney and pushes it over to the new mother. They push the new mother and the babies to the ambulance. "Thank you." the husband says to Matt. "No problem. I'm glad I could help." Matt says. "We have a name picked out for one which is Michael Paul DeWitt. You wouldn't mind if we used your name would you?" The new father asks. "No go ahead if you want." Matt says.

"I like the name William Matthew DeWitt." Steven DeWitt says. Matt just stares at the father for the moment and shakes his head. He smiles and nods his head. Steven gets into his car and follows the ambulance to the hospital.

Matt goes to find a seat and sits down, before his legs give out. "Hey Matt you did it again buddy." Kelly says slapping him on the back. Matt looks up at Kelly. "The father is naming the second one William Matthew." Matt says. Kelly just looks back at him. Both are speechless for the moment.

The rest of shift goes pretty well. Matt still stays behind. His head still isn't in the game. He doesn't want to endanger anyone if he doesn't have to.

CF~~~~~~CF

A week later Matt stands at the graveside of, Jennifer Richardson and William Quinn. Bothe are buried beside each other. Their tombstones are shaped like half a heart but are not together. If they were together it would shape the upper half of a heart. The wedding rings that they both had are welted onto the front their tombstones. Both have the picture of the young couple together. Matt made a wooden arbor and placed it behind the two resting places with a wooden beach sitting in the middle. The families would plant flowers on it. The cemetery did allow it.

Both families wanted Matt to be at the funerals which was joined. Matt turns away and is ready to leave. What a difference twenty-four hours could make. He see Kelly waiting for him in his car and walks over and gets in. Both men are in their best suits. Kelly was with Matt the whole day to give support to his friend.

Matt feels drained and lays his head back on the headrest. He just wants to move forward now. He is glad that the money given to him by William is being put to good use to help others before it is to late.

Kelly starts the car and races home. Both Kelly and Matt change into more comfortable clothes. "Lets head to Molly's" Kelly says. "I like that." Matt says ready to move forward.

CF~~~~~~CF

Matt and Kelly step into the Pub and Herrmann and everyone starts singing; "For he is a jolly good fellow, For he is a Jolly good fellow…" Matt just stops his eyes water and he is smiling. He is touched and blessed to have his family at fifty-one. "I'm making a toast. Matt, life may hand you lemons but you sure know how to make lemonade out of a bad situation. I'm glad to know you." Herrmann says raising a glass as does everyone and takes a drink.

Kelly claps Matt on the back. He is speechless. Both sit down at the bar. All are ready to have a good time. All are blessed to be in each others lives. "Hey, Kelly thank you for standing by me. Never forget I have your back too." Matt says. "It's all good, Matt. I'm your big brother I'm suppose to watch out for you." Kelly snickers. "Well remember little brother is watching out for you too." Matt laughs. The two clink their glasses together and gulp down their shots.

**The End of Matt's Bad Day**

**A/N: Okay I hope you enjoyed this story. I sure had fun writing it. The next installment is Kelly's bad day. If you have any ideas please let me know. Thank you for reading and please leave a review. What do you think? **


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